Random Collection
by Black Footed Ghost
Summary: Short stories compiled together to make one enormous pile of short stories. Zim is my main muse, but you should expect to see other characters as well.
1. Desert

I don't know who came up with this idea, but I like it. So, I'm going to try for 365 or Bust, too. Let's all hope I can do it, because I've got work, moving and college all ahead of me. There are also conventions that I'm going to want to go to. I'm starting out late in the year, so I'm going to have a few I'll have to make up if I want to get 365 dabbles by the end of the year.

My reasons for doing it – to improve my writing. I hope to improve grammar, creativity, detail, word usage, spelling, and whatever else you can think of. If there's anything you see that I could improve on and would like to let me know, do so. I'd like that.

Also, I reserve the right to switch fandoms with this challenge any time.

Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim.

Today's word is... Desert.

Zim walked into the living room. In one hand was an opened package of sugar candy and the other, a sugar stick. He dipped the stick into the sugar and stuck it in his mouth. "Mmm!" He loved sugar; it's what carried Irkens through their day.

It was also a human dessert. He especially liked eating it front of the Dib, because Zim could eat as much as he wanted without getting fat, yet Dib couldn't. Dib would blow up like a human balloon. Dib's favorite kind though, was the kind with chocolate in it. That was another one of those stupid Earth plants that Zim hadn't tried yet because it contained a small amount of water when processed.

He walked up to the couch and picked himself with his pak legs, then plopped down on the edge of it, his feet kicking out energetically. "What'cha watching?"

Gir, who was already sitting on the couch, reached over and grabbed the second stick from the package, licked it and then stuck it into the sugar. He loved sugar, simply because it was sugar. What other reasons did he need? "Angry Monkey Show." Honestly, how could his master not see that's what was on the screen? It was a big angry monkey face... He loved that almost as much as he loved sugar! Gir grinned at the thought of loving sugar.

"Mmm. I hate that... Monkey!" Zim said. He clenched his empty fist and shook it at the screen.

On the screen the monkey just continued to growl. It's ears were slowly turning red and it's mouth was starting to foam.

Suddenly, Gir jumped up and ran to the shelf next to the TV and grabbed something. Turning around, he stopped for a moment, shoved the sugar stick in his head and then ran over to Zim. "Hey! You wanna go for a walk!?" He said, a little louder than necessary.

Zim, having having spent time with Gir already, decided – he was bored enough as it was. "Sure." He slipped off the edge of the couch, grabbed the leash and walked over to the door. When he turned around Gir was standing there waiting for the leash. Zim blinked for a moment. Wait... How did Gir get his disguise on so quickly? Shrugging gently, he clipped the leash around Gir's neck. They stepped out the door.

When the two got to the park Gir decided it was time to pull on the leash. So, they did a few laps around the playground, Gir leading at a faster pace than Zim would have liked. Zim had to hold his wig down so it wouldn't fly off. Eventually Gir stopped, Zim tripped over the top of him when he did, and then ran over to a ice cream man – who was singing about ice cream!

"Gir! Stop! Listen to your master!" Zim shouted at the green dog. He jerked the leash back.

On lookers raised an eyebrow, but kept playing or walking by. At the playground there were now three children playing tag – inspired by Gir's 'playful' antics.

"Gimme one strawberry ice cream, please!" Gir spoke up to the man. His motions stuttered as Zim pulled the leash back repeatedly. He jumped up and made grabby motions. His tongue stuck out and flapped around a little.

"Gir! Listen to Zim! Listen to your master!" He jerked on the leash some more.

"Whoa! You're one smart dog." The man said, smiling down at Gir. He prepared one strawberry ice cream for the dog. "You've got one smart dog, Sir." He told Zim, who was ignoring him until then. "Real smart! My dog won't even go poop in a litter box."

Somewhere off in the distance, a cat feels like someone was talking about it. "Meow?" It scratches it's ear.

"What! No. Don't give that to Gir." Zim stared with wide eyes as the ice cream was handed to Gir. Gir was just about to get even more hyper now! "No. Gir's a bad dog! Bad dog." He shook his finger at Gir in a scolding manner and glared.

"Aww..." Gir looked up at Zim and grinned. His tongue stuck out and had pink residue on it. "Masta' hap-py!" He said, still holding his ice cream and grinning like a mad dog.

Zim rolled his eyes and turned away from the glitched information retrieval unit. He huffed. There was no fighting with Gir over this now. He was over the edge. Absentmindedly, he adjusted the hold the leash had on his wrist, loosening it and letting it fall to his fingers. "Come on, Gir. Let's go home." It was his last hope. For what, he wasn't sure, but maybe a chance that Gir would settle down, or stay in the base's upper level as he ran circles on the ceiling.

Gir pulled on the leash. "Unhuh! No!" And pulled in the opposite direction.

The leash slipped from Zim's fingers and went with Gir.

Glaring after Gir, Zim knew better than to chase after him. They'd be running all night, through the city and residential district, and Gir would think it was a game. It was best to just let him burn the fact energy off. Gir'd come home on his own.

Zim turned back to the ice cream man to see if he was watching. He was. "Hey, little man. It's okay. Here's a free ice cream for your loss." He handed over a brown colored ice cream.

Zim took it without really thinking about it and marched off back to the base. He just got a free ice cream, because someone witnessed Gir running away. Deciding to risk it, he took a lick from the creamy substance, like he'd seen Gir do so many times before. He turned it over in his mouth a little and decided he actually liked the taste and the feeling. It was cold, but hot as the same time and really, very sweet! Like it was packed with simple, processed sugars.

To be continued...

A big thanks to my beta read and editor! Thank you.


	2. What's Normal?

02 – 365

What's Normal?

Zim learned rather quickly the most effective way to kill his computer. It had happened so quickly, yet it was so easy remember. The smoke only set the results in deeper..

"So, Zim. Who did you invite to prom?" Dib had asked at lunch today. He stood at the end of the table, just stopping by to say a few quick words of taunting. He did it every day now.

The Dib had grown, Zim still curses him for this, to the height of 5'7" and was _still_ growing. Albeit, not very much and very slowly, but growth was still growth. Another five inches and he'd be taller than the Tallest themselves.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Dib-stink." Zim reply with feigned ignorance. Zim picked up the fork from my tray and start pushing the nasty cafeteria food around so it looks like he's eating.

"Sure you don't." He says disbelievingly. "Hey, I know I've told you this before, but you really don't have to keep getting food here. You can just bring it from home like the rest of us sane folk."

Zim slapped the folk down, a small spray of food flew up and hit Dib in the face. He glared up at Dib, the human still wore that damned eye shields, "That's just it, Dib-stink! What if I don't want to the same things as 'you sane folk', because you're the only one who does that. How could you even call yourself sane? You used to chase me around, calling me an alien. Now you just stalk me and put buckets of water in my locker!" He pointed an accusing finger and pursed his lips.

Dib only glared at Zim and stalked away. He shoulders hunched and he dropped his lunch on the table. When he pulled out his fruit he whined, because he'd bruised it. "Zim..." It's all your fault, you stupid alien.

365

So, Zim, being the pretty of the two, had to wear the dress. There was no way he was going to wear anything made by Earthiods though. He'd have to make his own. He came up with what he wanted it to look like. After putting the designs into a small, disguise making device, that blew up shortly after trying to compute the order, Zim decided he'd have to use his base computer.

Needless to say, the computer system fried itself trying to compute the order. And Zim was left without a dress for prom.

365

Dib peeked around the corner to Zim's locker. No Zim in sight. All clear! He pulled a note out of his pocket and sprinted to Zim's locker. Everyone was in class and he was supposed to be in the bathroom; he even had a timed hall pass around his neck. He stuck the note between his front teeth – he it was all too romantic and Zim would just love the drool marks left on it – and chuckled evilly. With both hands, he quickly put the combo into the lock and open it. Sometimes he wondered why Zim left the same lock on his locker if he didn't like the water treatment he got everyday...

Inside the locker were three books. Math, History and English. Dib grabbed hold the of the math book and opened it to the chapter they should be studying in the next period together. In went the note, right under the title so Zim would see it. Everything went back the way it was after that, locker closed, no water bucket this time and no bees either.

Then Dib ran as fast as he could back to his classroom. There was only another 55 seconds, in counting, until the device around his neck exploded!

365

Dib smiled brightly. Boy, was he happy. It was the weekend now. Yesterday, Friday, Zim had accepted his invite – after much fighting over how sane it was and that really, it was something normal people wouldn't do and Dib was as normal as they came, therefore it would be torturous if Zim showed up to prom with Dib. He was going to prom with Zim! Dib skipped a little as he made his way down for breakfast.

"Dib!" Gaz's called up at him from the living room. "You have a guest!" She sounded on the verge of anger again; they were messing up her game play.

"Coming!" He called back and sped up the rest of the way down.

"Dib-stink!" Zim yelled.

"Zim?" Apparently Zim'd decided to meet him by the stairs, so Dib stopped short and stood on the first step. "What are you doing here?"

Growling, Zim replied, "Regretfully, I must inform you that I can not go to prom with you." He said, but he didn't sound regretfully at all. Rather, he sounded pissed.

Dib's jaw dropped, eyes widened and his eyebrows knitted together. "What? Why?"

"Because it's your fault my computer blew up." Zim turned around and walked toward the door. He was done here. He'd said what he came to say and if he was honest with himself, going to prom with Dib didn't sound normal by any standards.

He heard Dib's whines behind him, but he wasn't listening. When he opened to door Dib grabbed it and pulled it open for him, but when the human tried to grab him, he just pulled away and glared at Dib. Stopping at the end of the path to the sidewalk, Zim turned around and saw Dib was still standing there.

Zim decided he could say one more thing before he went back to fix his computer. "I look forward to that water on Monday, Dib-stink." Then he walked away, smiling just a little.

Dib sniffled, but looked down at the grown when Zim walked away finally. He stopped glaring. Fine. If that's the way Zim wanted to play it. He'd have to blew up Zim's computer more often.

Fin


	3. Junk

It's shorter, but it gets my point across and I like it. Please tell me if this is understandable or not.

Today's word – Junk.

Zim's squeedily spooch turned and threatened to toss it's cookies. He pulled his wig off and clamped his hands over the tips of his antennae. That only made it worse though, because it was on his hands now as well. Squirming lightly, Zim tried not to breath. He squeezed his eyes shut and set his pak air filter on high. But he couldn't move or he'd be heard... He had to stay hidden. A bit of liquid leaked from under his eyelids.

"Sargent Guardy! It's not in it's base anymore." A voice said, panting lightly.

Zim listened in on their conversation.

"Good Gravy! We gotta find it! How far' could one alien buggy get?" A second voice said, probably Sargent Gardy. He sounded little southern.

There was rustling and sounds of people fighting, grunts, yells, and orders. Dib's voice sounded a short distance from the other voices. "Argh!" Pause. "_He. _And his _name_ is Zim! You'll _never_ find him."

"The boy's crazy." Sargent Gardy's voice said. "Put him in one of those crazy buckets!"

Zim could hardly stand it anymore. He felt like he'd been in here for almost five minutes, but his pak told him it was more like three minutes. His squeedily spooch turned again. Zim turned to curl up on himself, smell himself instead, but... Argh! Now struggling to stand up and reach the outside world, fresh air or not, out there, it was better than in here! He pushed things, slimy and crispy things, away from him, trying to pull himself up. How did you manage to get so far in here. This is impossible!

There was silence as the group of humans – Sargent Gardy, Random Soldier 1, Dib and two more random soldiers holding Dib – as they all looked over at a dumpster that started to rattle.

"Hey! Look at that!" Dib pointed in the opposite direction. "It's Big Foot's ghost!"

Zim finally burst out the top and let himself lay halfway over the edge. The lid lay on his back, like a trap door, ready to pull him back in. He gasped for breath and then gagged loudly. His squeedily spooch flipped three times over and then clenched. All it's contents fell to the ground with a splat. "Bla-rguuah..."

After a moment he caught his breath enough to look up at the gathering of humans. Dib was motioning for him to run and that's just what he planned on doing. He pulled himself out of the dumpster, stood there for a moment, pulled a banana peel from his shoulder and ran as quickly as he could. Forget that he'd left his wig back there. It was nasty and smelly now anyway. The humans also new what he looked like with or without his disguise. He pulled the contacts out as well and stopped to put them in someone's trash.

Now, to find a safe place that he could get cleaned up at. He was hoping for fresh air and he got it, but he wasn't thinking the smell would follow him. Curse it... That was his worse idea.


	4. Corrupt

Today's word – Corrupt

When an Irken is short, and smelly, they're told not to expect much of themselves. They're considered stupid and unwise. They'll go through the system, learn to be whatever they'll want to be and then be sent to do the dirty, grunt work no one else wants to do. There can be some exceptions though. It an Irken wants to work hard enough there's a possibility that the Tallest will see them and appoint them as an Invader. These Irkens are the smart, cunning and strong, second to that of the Tallest. And the guards that protect the Tallest... And possibly the crew that works on the Massive. But they're good! Very good.

For one individual, he made it to Invader Status. He even invaded a planet and concurred it's slaughtering people. Even so, there are some trends that are hard to beat down with a stick....

"Ahhhh...!"

Scoodge screamed as he was shot for the sweeper cannons. He flew through space so fast that he hardly had time to implode. When he landed on the planet, flaming, he just about went splat against a rocky cliff, but something amazing happened. A large number of Slaughtering Rat People were running blinding, over the cliff and Scoodge landed on top of the hoard. The sheer numbers of the Slaughtering People broke his fall and put the flames out.

Then, he was left there on a pile of dead alien rats. He body ached from the flight and the fall, no matter how broken it was. It wasn't long before a rat started to chew on his leg. It's teeth sunk in and green blood squirted it's face. Quickly, Scoodge pulled out a laser from his pak and shot the rat in the head. "Bloody-!" He sat up and grabbed his leg. There was now four long gashes in it, two on the top, two on the bottom.

Soon, another rat tried to eat him as well. That one's head blew up high in the sky and Scoodge didn't see where it landed. He almost laughed at it. Another moment and he had five rats trying to run over him. He was stuck in the middle of a running Slaughtering Rat hoard and they all wanted to get away from something. Normally the Slaughtering Rat people were actually more clear headed then a full Irken, but something had them in a frenzy.

Scoodge's eyes widened in horror. He stood up and looked around. The ground was actually chard, rocky and smoking. The cliff that he'd almost hit was covered with rats, climbing and falling their way down. At the top a several were jumping to the bottom. The cliff was probably only 25 feet high, but that was still dangerous. All around their was screeching of rats, frightened, hurt, dying and eating, but all trying to get away.

Rats started bumping into his sides, pushing him this way and that way. He fell to the ground and gasped as he leg hit the ground hard. More rats started jumping on him and over him. He pushed his way up though and tried to stand on his pak legs. Even on his pak legs he wasn't steady though. Rats bumped into his legs, knocking him around a little, but he discovered quickly that if he kept moving then he was able to stand up better. He headed for one side of the running mass, hoping to get out and find a safe place to hide.

It was now that he heard the sweeper cannons coming around again. The loud swishing sound almost drown out the rats' screaming. The rats screamed even loudly. Scoodge stopped and stared off at the distant laser coming toward them.

"Scoodge!"

Scoodge blinked and shook his head. He needed to run now. So, he turned himself to the task at hand – escaping.

"SCOODGE!" The voice yelled louder.

Said Irken stopped abruptly and turned around. "What?" He searched the endless, unchanging, crowd. "Xigbar?" He asked, hoping beyond what he thought to hope for now.

"Over here! This way!" About forty feet away there was a pair of brown, sewer colored rats. One was standing on the other's shoulders and waving for him.

Brighting up considerably, Scoodge hurried over to his Slaughtering Rat family. It was Xigbar and Ryou, the twin brothers that he'd stayed with while invading the planet. He didn't think they'd actually like to see him after he'd revealed himself and his mission.

"Hurry," Ryou said. He pulled Scoodge's hand along with him. Scoodge stepped down from his pak legs.

"We have a hiding place under a rock over here." Xigbar told Scoodge. They stopped and for a moment Scoodge didn't understand what they were doing. The other rats seemed to naturally run around them.

"Xigbar, you go in first and make sure no others have gotten in there by now." Ryou said this as if it was Scoodge's fault, that he was slow to get over here. It was surprisingly light weighted though.

Xigbar stepped forward and lifted a large, flat rock from the ground. "Of course." He looked into the hole and glared a second later. He hissed loudly. When nothing came out he went down there and let the rock lid fall down behind him. A moment later, and a few bounces of the rock, the rock popped up and Xigbar came out, hauling four bloody rats with him. "All clear!" He said, cheerful.

Then the three piled into the hole and let the rock lid fall over them. Not much time passed until Scoodge heard the sweeper cannon laser go overhead. When it passed there was silence. Scoodge just pushed up closer to his rat family and buried his face in their soft fur. What had he done...


	5. Random Person

Inspiration for this one – asking a random person for inspiration.

For the past five years Zim had been living away from school life. After his first year in junior high he'd decided to leave school and try to blend in with the adult humans. When all the children at school started to get a foot taller than him, he decided that it would be better to change his disguise and get a human job. Now, he was still the same height. His disguise was digital, making him look completely human, with dark green hair, styled into spikes that trailed down his shoulders, purple eyes (because he loved the color purple!), a small nose and ears. At the moment he was wearing his uniform – pink stripe shirt with black pants - because it was his day off work and he wanted to go out to get fresh food for Gir.

He sat down at a bus stop and looked around. One person, female, scrawny looking and smelly, had gotten to the stop a few seconds before him. The person sounded like they had the sniffles. Just before he'd sat down, Zim had looked at the time schedule. It was going to be another half an hour until the next bus came.

He pulled out a special set of headphones from his pak. They stretched over his head and looked like normal headphones, but the speakers were at top, where his antennae could hear them. Sighing, his pak pressed the play button and he leaned back to listen. This is what he gets for trying to be normal and not bringing Gir along; a half an hour was wasted.

After a few minutes and two songs later, he had a sudden desire to talk to the human next to him. So he asked, "What is cold fusion?" In a same way a parent would quiz a child with their times table.

"Ah..." The woman looked sideways at him, nervously. "What do you want to know?"

"Anything you know about it."

There was a pause as the woman stared out at the cars passing by with a blank expression. "Well... I remembered it had something to do with molecules. No, that's not right. It was _moles! _I'm not positive, but it had something to do with moles mating in the cold, right? I'm right, aren't I. And it has something to do with religion, doesn't it!" She looked at Zim expectantly. "I know it." She nodded proudly at herself.

Zim really didn't expect much from her, but he thought at least she'd know it had something to do with science. This was just too, much. Zim just gawked at her. He blinked. "You have got to be kidding me." Then he said, just as an experiment. "So... If I told you I was an alien, would you believe me?"

This time the woman turned and stared at him. "What?"

Nodding, Zim made a mental note in his pak that this human couldn't comprehend difficult questions.

He didn't say anything more to her after that. No one else came to the bus stop and when the bus did come the woman let Zim on first, looking at him as though he were crazy. They each paid their fares and continued on with their day.

Zim however, was planning again. Oh, such a plan he had! It was the plan of all plans.


	6. Unsuspecting

03 – 365

Today's word – unsuspecting.

This was a day like any other. Outside, it was winter, with burning air and winds that chilled even the hottest snowmen. Inside, the atmosphere was like spring, Gir was watching TV with Mini Moose, Zim had a half finished invention on the kitchen table, and Dib had his Gender in Cross-Culture Perspective textbook next to his cereal bowl. That sounds like any good day not dependent on the season, but really, it was spring. Dib was taking an elective now.

Dib swallowed a spoon full of 'O' Cereal and asked Zim, "What do you thinking of female/female relationships?" He took another bite and chewed it few times, then swallowed.

Still tinkering with his invention, Zim replied quickly, "It happens all the time on Irk. In fact, Irkens are rather ambiguous. So long as it's sentient and is compatible with our species it's free game."

"I see." He paused, writing something down in his book, "So, does that make humans compatible with Irkens?"

"Not really." Zim grabbed a screwdriver. "At least, not in the reproductive sense. Odd things have been know to happen though."

Dib nodded silently and read from his book a little, eating the cereal so all that was left was the milk and a few floaters.

As an after thought, Zim muttered, "Irkens mostly stay away from 'love' relationships because it can be distracting from work. We're mostly in it for the happy feelings that come along with what you humans call sex."

Dib stood up, drank the last of his breakfast and walked over the sink. He did all the dishes between him and Zim, because Zim hated water. Yet another thing he benefited from with having Dib in the base – not having to wash his own dishes. Irken dish soap was expensive to import!

Curious, raising an eyebrow at Zim, "And what's the Irken word for sex?" He walked back over the his seat and sat back down to finish reading the chapter. He grabbed his pen and fiddled with it.

"Oh, I'm not going to tell you that." Zim looked up and grinned at Dib for a few seconds, then grabbed a small laser and went back to playing.

Dib rolled eyes, "Right. Confidential information. You know, if you really didn't want me to know anything about Irken culture you wouldn't tell me about your people's sex habits and then not tell me what you call it..."

Zim open his mouth to say something, but before he could get anything out a beeping sound came from Dib.

"Time for class, Zim. You should get going." Dib stood up, bookmarked his page and grabbed his book. "I'm going to go read the rest of this downstairs."

"You'll meet me after class then?" Zim handed Dib the toy he was making. It looked like a naked game console with half it's guts missing. Gaz's birthday was coming up and Zim had promised her something for not telling the whole school about his new living conditions. "Put this somewhere Gir can't get to it."

Dib nodded. "Sure." He grabbed the unfinished game console. "I have class in an hour. So, I can't see you after your class. Though, later we can go out to lunch, if you'd like."

Zim started walking to the door. "Ya, fine. If that's what'd make you happy." He stopped in front of the TV and turned to Dib. "I'll see you after class then. Don't blow anything up while I'm out."

Gir suddenly became aware of the world again, really only to say this, "Mast'r! You's in the way!" His eyes were wide and back straight. Beside him Mini Moose squeaked.

"Ya, ya." Zim waved Gir off and walked to the door. "I love you too, Gir." He stepped through the door and was off to class.

Dib stepped into the living room, holding his textbook and Gaz's gift. "Hey Gir?"

365

Dib took a deep breath. He'd done it now. Twitching a little, he could almost feel Gaz breathing down his neck. He jerked his head from one side the other, looking around, suspicious that someone was going to come up to him and jump on him, or something. How was he was going to tell Zim about this?!

He looked down at his watch and cursed himself. "Shit! 11:45, no! I'm _way_ late for class now..." He started running through the campus. This teacher hated it when his students came in late. After his teacher had his way with Dib, it was going to be Zim's turn. Dib wasn't sure which he liked better.

He skidded to a stop by the door and stood to take a breath with his hand on the door handle. When he tried to open the door it though, he discovered it was locked. Yet, another reason why his teacher hated late students. He liked taking the students out, wouldn't tell you when there was a field trip and didn't like the delay late students caused by coming two minutes after the clock.

Sighing, Dib adjusted his backpack and turned back the way he came. Zim would be out of class soon. He chewed his bottom lip a little. Zim was going to kill him. That or leave him out in the cold for the next week.

365

Zim stacked his books and picked them up and put them in his pak for shrinking and holding until later. Class was over. He didn't need to talk to the teacher, so he figured he would go wait in the library for Dib. Walking out the door, into a hall filled with several other students going to and from classes, he turned off to the right and was surprised when he saw Dib waiting there.

"Dib!" He chirped out happily, "What are you doing here. Shouldn't you be in class?" He knew Dib had class now, but he was happy to see him so soon anyway.

"Zim. Ya, I know. I was late though and the teacher had a field trip today." Dib said, his voice low and on edge, like had bad news. His hands dug deeper into his pockets.

"What's wrong, Dib-human?" Zim frowned. "Did you burn the base down?"

Dib let out a breath and rolled his, "No! I didn't burn it down." He paused. "Not exactly, anyway."

Glaring now, "What do you mean, not exactly?" He's voice was grave and threatening, like he might actually do something stupid to Dib, for example, tie him to a tree outside tonight.

"I, um, got into an argument with Gir over the couch shortly after you left."

Zim huffed and rolled his eyes at the thought of Dib fighting with Gir over the couch. The couch was Gir's place to sit while he was watching his Angry Monkey Show, but it was also Dib's only way down into the lower levels, excluding the side door way he used to use as a kid and teenager.

Dib continued, desperate to get this out as quickly as he could. "Soon we started fighting and Gir flew into the TV. There were sparks, the carpet got a little fried." He cringed at the understatement. "AndIdroppedGaz'spresent!" He quickly closed his eyes tight and tensed up, waiting for whatever Zim would hand out to him.

Blinking for a moment, Zim had to pause and think about what Dib just said. The living room was destroyed, TV included probably. He could get a new TV for Gir and the computer could fix the rest of the room. But Gaz's present? "What happened to it?"

Dib gulped, "The stabilizers broke and spilled hazardous materials all over the floor." He said lowly, knowing and accepting his fault.

Zim growled, but turned away and started walking to the door. "Fine. No lunch for the Dib-human today."

Dib brightened up at that. "Really? You're not going to put me outside again?" He really would rather not go outside at night during the winter. The last time Zim tied Dib to a tree was during the summer and it was much warmer then.

"Ya, ya. I'm not going to tie you to a tree like I do with Gir. Besides, stabilizers can be replaced. I'll just order new ones from Vort."

"Sweet!" Dib raced in front of Dib and opened the door for him.

"Yes, yes. Zim is a wonderful room mate." He nodded and grinned smugly to himself.

Now, to find some place to eat that Dib really liked. They walked off to downtown. Dib started talking about the issues of inequality at their university.


	7. Toilet

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Word of today - Toilet

Dib was tired of it all. Really, he was. At the age of 24, he was done with college and had been looking for work for the last two years. Most of the work he'd been doing was independent research, study, and journalism. But he wanted something more. He wanted to work with NASA on their space projects. There was all that valuable technology he still had to offer from Zim's stay on Earth and Tak's ship. It just wasn't fair! They had to be ignoring him.

So, he came up with a solution. He would admit, it wasn't a very good one. For that matter, it wasn't a very mature one either, but it was a tribute to Zim. Dib wasn't sure if Zim would appreciate it all that much, but hell, they did things to each other all the time neither of them appreciated.

He stood over a high table and tapped furiously at his laptop. It was the same laptop that Zim had given him so many years ago as a mock Christmas present. After six months of working out all the locks on it and then all the bugs and spy ware, it was a good machine and better than any computer earthen designers ever attempted to create so far. He was programming a timer. It was last minute, put off until now, because it was tedious. Everything was in place, now it was time to sync it. And wow, was that hard work!

Dib had to be dressed in a janitors uniform for this part – he even had a cap on, to cover his hair! He pushed a yellow mop bucket down a high ceiling hallway, with windows on one side that spanned from one end to the other of there hall and touched the ceiling. Above this floor there was another hall just the same as this one. Along the other side of the hall was a series of doors, spread far apart from each other, expect two. The bathrooms – one for females, one for males. It was the beginning of the day, so everyone except the early birds were around and most of them weren't in the bathrooms.

Pulling his mop bucket along with him and entered the men's bathroom. He pulled out a closed sign and hung it on the handle as he let it close. Once it shut all the way he pressed the lock closed. He pulled his mop bucket up to one stall, opened the stall and then turned back to his bucket. Dib was coming into the bathrooms after the other janitor, so the toilet was clean, thank good timing for that. He was going one floor behind the others and had one floor left to go.

He stuck his hand into the bucket – which had no water in it – and pulled out five sticks of waterproof dynamite. They each had a timer on them that could be remotely operated. He walked them over to the each stall and flushed them down. There was no retrieving them now, unless they wanted to take every pipe apart and pull them out. Anything flushed after them would cause blockage, too.

Snickering, Dib rolled his bucket out of the bathroom and walked to the next. Only three more to go and there was be the best show ever!

Now he had all the programming finished. He just had to hit the enter button. He made sure his monitor was set up properly again, each screen was wired up properly – one to the main control room, one to the most frequently used bathroom, one to the CEO's office, and one to the communication room. Already their was fuss about blocked up toilets.

He pressed the button and watched the screens at everything progressed.

A lady dressed in dark blue pinstripe was leaned over the sink, looking closely at the mirror in front of her as she popped a zit on her face. It was right on the tip of her nose and she was squinting at it with crossed eyes and her mouth huge open in concentration.

Suddenly there was a loud flushing sound behind her. It sounded like all the toilets flushing at the same time, only without that scary suction sound that's always there. This time it was louder, too. She jumped in surprise and turned around to stare at it with wide eyes. She hardly saw it coming, a huge wave of water came up from over the stalls and rained down in a similar way the sprinklers would, only much more and really not that sweet smelling.

The woman didn't notice until now, but there was another woman screaming in shock inside one of the stalls. The stalled woman came out, completely forgetting that she still had her skirt down, and fell on her face two steps out.

Dib squeezed his eyes shut and laughed silently at that one. That was just pure silliness.

On another screen, the main control room was in a complete frenzy. Everyone was hitting their computer screens, running around in circles or yelling at someone to fix the systems. On the screens, Dib could see a blurry version of his laptop's background. It was Zim's signature smiley – a circle drawn out quickly so it had a tail on the top of it's head, it's eye's squinted, a line across the center to split it and hastly crazy zipper like teeth. To top it all off there was a recording of Zim's laugh there and a line of writing at the bottom of the page.

'YOU HAVE BEEN PRANKED!'

Just the reaction he was hoping for. Pure chaos.

Seconds later, on the screen with communications on it, people were looking around clueless.

"Why's everyone gone quiet?" They asked each other. No one knew the answer.

Soon, a random person, male, ran into room and screamed, "The toilets are exploding! It's the end of the world! Run for your lives!"

And so, almost everyone ran out of the room. A few people stayed and hid under their desks.

"Gez. By the looks of it, these people have never seen a prank." Dib said with a laugh.

On the bathroom screen again, there were people in there bowing to the toilets from their knees and chanting so sort of toilet song now. There were a few people running around screaming still, but for the most part they were all chanting.

Then, on the screen with the CEO.

"Curse it all! How did this happen!?" A rotund man shouted and slammed his fist on his desk. His face was red from anger and he looked about ready to toss his incompetent assistance out the large CEO office window. The man was dressed in a nice suite and was a swoop-head with white hair.

"Sir, I think you should calm down. We'll just call the plumbers in and get the bathrooms fixed." A timid young lady said. She had to be his assistant. She was a darker skinned woman and wore a simple dress suite, her black hair was oiled and in a short pony tail.

"No! Don't you get it all the lines and busy with that prank laughter!" The big man yelled.

"Yes, Sir... But why don't you use your cell phone?"

There was a moment of silence as the man pulled out his cell and checked it for service.

"No good!" He threw it across the room and there was a loud crash. "It's laughing at us too."

Back to Dib, in his hiding spot. "Damn. He yells almost as much as Zim did."

He watched for the next hour as everyone ran about trying to stop the manic laughter, but they couldn't do it. They were all incompetent idiots with degrees they bought off the Internet. Huffing, Dib decided he'd had enough of their whining and pressed a few keys on his laptop. A moment later all the screens went back to normal. That didn't mean the bathrooms went back to normal though. They still had a mess to clean up in there.

Yes, Dib knew this wouldn't get him anywhere with getting a job, but he still had to entertain himself somehow. It was a nice tribute to Zim, anyway. He hated water and what better way to piss him off but by spreading the stuff everywhere!


	8. Tokyo

Tokyo,

Zim was moving. Not to another planet, of course. Not when he was staying on Earth for a while longer. No, he was moving to Tokyo. A place Dib could not follow him to yet. He also heard that they have more advanced technology there – the humans there were smarter then the rest, or so he heard.

"Gir! Get over here. We have to get the voot packed!"

Gir fell out of a hole in the ceiling, onto his head, and saluted Zim with red eyes. "Yes, my master!" His eyes turned back to blue and he stuck his tongue out with a giggle. "Heheh, I bit'h ma' tongue!"

"Gir!" Zim shouted. "Get up. We have get in the voot now. Once you're packed I can more the voot and get the screw for the base back."

Looking around, Gir noticed that everything was gone. At least, all the things that weren't attached to the base were. His eyes widened and he righted himself. "Master! Where are my bees!?"

"Huh?" Zim paused, then he remembered and glared at a random wall, clenching his fists. "Oh, those horrible bees... I threw them into space, Gir. Now com' on." He marched over to the voot and hopped in.

Gir walked after Zim and followed him into the voot. "Aw, ma' bees..." He sniffled and stuck his bottom lip out.

A few moments later, (Gir was fighting for the controls,) the two stood behind the fire hydrant again. "Gir, we have to be very quiet now. We can't make a peep!" He stretched his arm out, holding a remote control of sorts and pressed a button.

The base's exterior faded away and the wiring pulling away. The ground shook roughly as the base's interior collapsed upon itself and contracted back in. The surrounding dirt sank down and left a bit of a ditch there. Another second passed and everything stopped, a screw popped out of the ground and rolled until it hit a rock.

Zim marched over to it and picked up the tiny piece of equipment he was allowed to keep. It was something he acquired during the first Impending Doom. It was something all invaders had, but because he was no longer an invader it was a precise piece of stolen equipment. It was also his home – without it he was truly have to live like a normal human. Though, Tallest Purple knew that he still had it, so it wasn't technically stolen if he was allowed to have.

"Alright Gir! We've got everything." He exclaimed with a chirp. "Now let's go to Tokyo." His eyes sparkled and he grinned with a new verger.


	9. Another Toilet Story

One Day on Irk.

A random Irken was walking along the street, going from home to work. There were several floating screens flying around letting people know what was on the news. One announcement was made to catch everyone's attention, but this Irken just continued on her way. Many other Irkens seemed to ignore it was well.

"Breaking News!" A tall Irken said with a little too much energy. He had some sort of alien brainwave thingy on his head that block this eyes and antenna off. "A new species has been discovered. It is said that it came from a far off planet that no one knows that name of and those who do, dare not speak it's name."

The screen flashed to camera recording a giant fish in a bear suite rampaging in downtown Irk, which just happened to cover an eighth of the planet. It roared at the camera and shook the screen. A moment later there was a few loud stomping sounds, screams and the screen turned black.

"Yes, yes. That does look gruesome, doesn't it. But sure to pick up our Giant Fish in a Bear Suite souvenirs." He held up a fish shaped laser pointer and waved it around, flashing some poor Irken in the eye. You could hear their scream from off camera. Then the Irken changed the subject quickly. "And in other news, we're receive photos of this human allegedly eating a toilet." He snickered.

The screen flashed to still shot of Dib kneeling over a toilet with his face directed at the bowl. He looked pale, sickly, and like he didn't know the camera was there. He was wearing just a towel around his waist. His hair was soaked and plastered to his head.

TBC

Really, I don't think I have a thing for toilets. I don't know why this came up again...


	10. Sanity

Sanity

Dib once looked up the definition of Sanity. It was something along the lines of the soundness of health with the body and mind. So, he would assume he was healthy, of course in both body and mind. So what if he believed in aliens. He was right and Zim was living proof of it.

But he wasn't satisfied with that answer. It was too broad. So on a whim, he decided to look of the term Insanity. It was obviously the opposite of sanity and if he fell into the category of Sane by the definition of sanity then surely he wouldn't fall into the category of insane as well. It just couldn't happen.

As luck would have it for him, he didn't actually believe he could be insane, even after he looked up the definition. Honestly! Really, he didn't. He wasn't repeating the same move, over and over, expecting to get the same results. All those rants and raves in class about Zim being an alien and 'why couldn't you see that!?' were just a warm ups.

He was going to come up with something big. Something different too. He could prove to the world he wasn't insane, by finally proving Zim was an alien. Tomorrow he would come up with a good way to expose Zim as an alien. Tonight, he was going to bed. Or rather, it was morning now, just really early. In a round about way it was night then.

Dib sighed and crawled into bed. The light automatically turned off when he laid his head down. He really needed to stop agruing with himself over silly things like day and night. All he needed to think about was how to stop Zim.


	11. Eleven

Note to my wonderful reader readers: I made to my chapter eleven goal today January 21st, 2009. I'm so happy. I have a few really short stories out before this one, but I fee accomplished now. My reason for that goal, because I got two other chapter updates today from people who were putting up their eleventh chapter. So, I wanted to make it three.

Oh, and my new rat, Skoodge, likes to sleep upside down. She always lives up to her namesake and eats just about anything she can get her teeth on. Specially my cloths for some reason. I have three new rats I got from petco and I've named them Skoodge, Hobo, and Fish. They're just your standard imperfect black hooded rat and they're oh so very wonderful.

On to the story, please tell me which stories you liked most so far.

Eleven

Anthropology Log #11

Edited by: Cherry Membrane

Notes: It appears to be some sort of confessional love letter.

Hi! My name's GIR. Ask anyone but my master and they'll tell you my 'G' stands for glitched. But really! How could I be glitched if I'm filled with so much love. I'll come out and say it, just to you though, don't tell Pig. I love food. I (love) food more than anything, even Pig. Even though, Pig is just... so... (good). Drool marks on the page.

When I first landed on Earth I saw a squirrel. IT WENT LIKE THIS!!! (assumes he made some kind of dance move?) When I followed it home I found it's nuts and decided they were tasty! Then I saw Mr. Squirrel eating tacos from a trash can. He showed me my second food and so far it's my favorite! Tacos! Boy, do I love tacos! Tacos are the most tacoest ever if they have tacos in them! All those other ingredients are nothing compared to the taco ingredient. Just add taco and you have the best taco ever!

Shortly after that, I discovered my favorite food! Burritos!!! Let's sing it, burritos, burritos, burri-tos! Those are best served with cheese, beans, and (bananas? But that's what we currently put in burritos, maybe not...) Burritos are also best if serviced giant size. That way you can work you way in and blast your way out when you get to the center. That's my favorite part, the blasting! Master's always soo happy to see me when I come out, always shouting my name. Gir! Gir this and Gir that.

Now time I brought home a chocolate bubble gum slushy. It was tasty, but get stuck in my throat and I choked on it. I also forgot to close a window that night and I couldn't tell Master when the big headed boy was crawling on the ceiling. That made me sad. I stared in sadness at the big headed boy. In the end he got the picture of Master he'd been wanting though. So it all worked out in the end.

One thing I love doing almost as much as food, is making things with food. And then I eat it! I've lost count of all things I've made with food. For that (matter) I can't remember most of it either. Maybe I'll get Master to look at my memory chip. (Was he some kind of some kind of cyborg? He can't be AI, we just made that.)

Anyway, you name it and I've made something with it! I think I've used motor oil a few times. That stuff always makes a good bang to start with. Nuts seemed to be a popular now too. I remember Mr. Squirrel came by one time when I told him I was making poop brownies with nuts in them, but he never came back after that. Maybe he didn't like the stomach ache he got from the high iron levels in it. A lot of things I've made came out black too. And smoking! Boy, did I love the smoking kind! It almost always blew up (all over) the kitchen!

There was one time Master had to sell poop chocolates for school. It was part of keeping up his disguise. I never really understood that part, but I loved the added benefits! All the poop chocolates I could eat. Sure, it made me sick and tasted a lot like saw dust, but really why would I pass up chocolate for something as miner as that? I do love poop chocolates! They're my favorite!

Like mentioned before, there have been a few times I've choked on food. I choke on a lot of things, now that I think about it. (There is a large burn mark on the page after this sentence. Next sentence continues after that.) Master says it's because I'm not built to consume food. I really do love food. Have I said that yet? I's don't care if I choke on it or not! Mmph.

NEW PHARAGRAPH, Now then... I ate a cactus once. It was spiky and stuck to the side of my head. I ran around in circles trying to get it off. Computer helped me with that one. I also ate worms, dirt and poop soda! Those were sooo tasty.

You know the word tasty. It's one letter away from nasty. I've never understood the word nasty. Nothing I eat is nasty – definitely not the blue berry flavored cold medicines, the zit cure medicine, the glass scones or the card board pizzas with road kill. I mean, someone's gotta use the road kill some how! Master really needs to learn the difference between 'nasty' and 'tasty'. He always gets the two mixed up.

Another thing about Master! He's diet is so limited. He'll only eat sugars. While, I'll admit that sugars are oh so tasty, he's got that part right, he really should try eating more proteins, carbohydrates and metals. He should also be more adventurous with the types of food he eats. Really, a little bit of muffin's not going to hurt him.

Notes: And that's where it ends. I would assume suddenly stopping was a popular why of ending a little back in the 21st century. Next Entry, Popular Body Piercings.

Note to the readers: If anyone and figure out why this chapter is special to chapter eleven, you get cookies.


	12. Potato Cannon

Okay, this isn't my first hand to hand fight scene, but I don't think I've done it enough to be completely comfortable with writing it. I thought it came out alright. As the readers, please let me know what you think. Was it too fast, or maybe even too slow? Was it clear enough? Was I grammatically correct? My beta reader is still on hiatus until tomorrow or the day after, but I wanted to post this. It's not necessarily needed, but I would like to know what someone thinks of my writing. Reviews also help boost my happy energy levels, so I put out better writing, in theory.

Inspiration – Potato Canon

Zim stood in Dib's lawn, making sure to dig his heels in a little more then really necessary. He grinned up at Dib's window. There was a little bit of light coming from the room, so it was assumable that Dib was still awake and at his computer. He wouldn't see this coming though.

Zim knew this is was immature of him. He also knew it was very human of him. He figured though, he was living with the humans at the moment, at least until the Tallest decide to withdraw their banishment of him, so he might as well enough a little bit of the local ways of entertainment. He'd been on Earth for roughly five years now. There was a sack of potatoes next to him and his weapon of choice strapped over his shoulder.

He popped a potato in the smaller end of the barrel and aimed his gun at Dib's window. He licked the lighter over the fuse and waited for the pop. It came a second later, loud and it shook Zim's small frame, making him take a step backward. The large potato crashed through it's target and it sounded liked it bounced around a few things until it stopped. Dib screeched. There was another crash of glass and a sound of something heavy falling.

"Oh my god!" He came running to the window. His face was pale and eyes were wide. Scanning the front of the house, Dib spotted Zim and glared at him, promising death. "Zim! I'm gonna get you!"

In another part of the house, Gaz yelled, "Dib! Take it outside!"

So, Dib started crawling out his window.

Meanwhile, Zim was laughing so hard at Dib that he didn't notice Dib crawling out his window. He had started loading another potato and was just about ready to fire it when he heard Dib land on the ground several yards in front of him. He looked up at the Dib-human with wide eyes and terrible grin.

"Zim..." Dib seethe, "You destroyed my computer!" He walked toward Zim slowly.

"Really now," Zim replied cheekily, "Well, I guess that means you won't be spying on me in my base for a little while, doesn't it."

"You bastard. That was the computer I stole from you."

"It was very fun to destroy, thank you. All the more reason to destroy it too, wouldn't want you getting information off it about me." He was still grinning. He pulled the cannon strap off his should though and let it drop to the ground.

"I stole it three years ago and had long since deleted your sad scraps of information off it." Dib glared down at Zim. Finally he was upon Zim and in just a moment... Dib reached out to grab Zim, but as expected, the alien jumped back to avoid him. So Dib jumped start at Zim and attempted to pounce him to the ground. He gasped as he landed.

Zim stepped out of Dib's grab and turned to run. He fell to the ground and gasped at Dib landed on top of him. His wig dropped to the ground and one of his contacts popped out. Growling, he bucked at Dib and rolled them over so he was on top. He tried to continue the roll without Dib and leave the human behind, but Dib's arms found their way around his middle sound how. They were too low for him to bit, too. "Argh! Damn it, Dib!" He huffed and struggled against the human's hold. His claws sunk into pale skin and arched his back.

"Zim! You're such a bastard!" Dib yelled, aggressive, frustrated, and panting, "You know that? You really are." He huffed and rolled over on top of Zim. He sat up on top of Zim, sitting on his legs, with his knees on either side of his hips. He pulled on of Zim's arms around intent on causing pain and shoved the side of his head into the grass. "You owe me a new computer now."

"I owe you nothing!" Zim grunted and pulled on his arm, testing it. He pushed up with his other arm and bent backwards to meet Dib's gaze. "I was just enjoying a little bit of local entertainment." He hissed out.

"Ya, just like last week, too. Huh?"

Deciding he had enough of the taste of dirt, Zim popped out his pak legs and smacked Dib away from him. He turned around and smirked down at Dib as his rose above the human sprawled out on the grass. "Not quiet. Last week was a small taste of my culture's fun." He carried himself over to Dib and stood over him – about the only way he really could stand over the damned human.

Dib glared up at the alien, relaxing himself on the grass. He was surprisingly tired now. That wasn't fair. Pouting, he said, "Right. I'm sure you were just teasing me. Still, you're going to replace my computer." He demanded.

Zim rolled his eyes and lowered himself closer to Dib. "Fine, fine. If that's what'll take for you to shut up about it." He huffed out and decided to tease Dib, just a little. He stood, still on his pak legs, on Dib's stomach so very lightly and smirked daringly at Dib.

Dib's cheeks flushed red and his eyes flashed down at Zim's feet, then back at his mismatched eyes. He noticed Zim had dirt smugged across one cheek and mentally patted himself on the back for it. "Ah..." He gestured to Zim's head, "You're not... not wearing all of your disguise anymore."

"Huh?" Zim flicked his antennas and seemed to nod in agreement with Dib. "Oh." He picked himself up off Dib and backed away. "Come see me about that computer later."

Frowning, Dib sat up. He watched as Zim gathered up his weaponry and drop from his pak legs.

Zim picked up his disguised and brushed it off. He shadily glanced around for anyone he'd have to kill later, people how saw him without his disguise, and popped it back on quickly. He spared a glance at Dib, who was now standing, and winked at him. Grinning like a maniac, he ran down the sidewalk, back to his base.

Mission Potato Cannon, accomplished.

Dib rolled his eyes and turned to go back inside. "Damn Bastard. He better give me a kick ass computer with potato protection."


End file.
